June 6, 2020
Time and time again I find myself writing this post but for some reason, I am never happy with how I write it, or I am not quite sure what to say. But honestly, that’s how blogging has always been for me. I have to be inspired to write, I have to share what’s on my heart. I can’t just write a random post with no meaning, it’s just not me – and I don’t want it to be. Now, bare with me – this has been quite the journey so this may be a long one! I would say one of my more commonly asked questions is how I got into blogging and how can I help others become established as well. And honestly, I don’t have all the answers but hopefully by telling my story and sharing my journey – I will help someone else start theirs.
To be honest, I started blogging totally on accident. When my pictures started going viral, I knew I had an opportunity at hand. I could take this platform and do something with it or I could just enjoy it in the moment. I have always been the person who can never say no and I knew I needed to jump at this opportunity. When I found out I was pregnant I went straight to Instagram. I followed so many cute mom bloggers.
I was so excited! Excited to take bump pictures, decorate a nursery, buy all the clothes and toys – but then I wasn’t. While I loved following these women and their journeys, there was a huge part missing for me. A husband. Someone excited for our gender reveal, there at doctors appointments, helping me pick a name. I didn’t have that. While these women were picking out baby names and building baby furniture with their partner, I was looking at my sons father wanting to sign away his rights (thank God he didn’t), researching child support, custody appointments. All of a sudden it became really hard to follow these women especially once they started giving births and I saw their partners loving and supporting them. It made me really sad in a time that was really tough.
I was 24 weeks pregnant when I was admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor. All alone, I was scared to death thinking the worst. This was the one appointment my mom wasn’t able to come to and well, Max’s dad and girlfriend at the time were boarding a plane to NY and he was not cancelling those plans. As I was laying in the hospital bed, crying and praying Max just stayed put a little bit longer, I had this terrible overwhelming feeling of sadness hit me. I thought about all the women who have it so much worse than I did. Their babies fathers never came around, their families didn’t support them, maybe they even lost their children. I was blessed. Blessed for the family I had who loved and supported me to that point (MY MOM), blessed I had goof healthcare, blessed that I had been incredibly lucky with my pregnancy up to this point. When I started thinking about these women I knew I wanted to help. I went back to Instagram and looked for #singlemoms and honestly hated what I saw. It was a lot of trashy looking women or men talking badly about single moms. It just wasn’t uplifting, it didn’t instill any confidence in me that I could be different. I then realized how bad the single mom stigma was. People see single moms as a couple things – failed relationships, failed birth control, women looking to abuse the system, one night stands, whores, all things I had read about myself or even been told at the local grocery store. There wasn’t enough “good” being said about the strong women that are single moms and well, I took it upon myself to change that.
Laying in bed I turned on some music and started looking at inspirational quotes because in order to spread happiness and confidence, I needed to truly feel it. I turned to Pinterest and one quote I saw stopped me in my tracks : “You’re not a mess. You’re brave for trying”. I instantly started crying. This was me. My life wasn’t a mess, being a single mom didn’t have to be as crazy as I was thinking it would be. I was brave. I was brave for deciding to keep my baby. I was brave for trying to do this crazy thing called motherhood alone. I was brave for taking the chance. I was brave for going to the doctor when I had a bad feeling something was wrong. I was brave. I am brave. I’m sure you can guess that’s when I opened up my computer, created a WordPress account, claimed my domain, and started writing, and brainstorming. I had this instant switch from sadness to confidence. I was A Brave Mess and I was proud of it. I was proud of where I was. I was doing the damn thing.
From that moment on I decided I was going to end the bad stigma on single moms. I was going to be a voice for this community. I was going to share the truth and only the truth. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the frustrating, the happy, the real raw truth.
I was going to let other single moms know they weren’t alone. Being a single mom would no longer be taboo. It wasn’t going to be something I was ashamed of but something I was proud of. I found my niche and I ran with it.
I couldn’t be a fashion blogger or beauty blogger – because that’s not what I am passionate about – I love those things but that’s not me. I am passionate about helping women and changing the world, one women at a time. My corner and my community is small compared but that will never stop me. One bad comment or bad day is always made up by those of you who engage with me, tell me your stories, your hard times, your wins. Those moments are when I thrive. My heart becomes so overwhelmingly happy that I could help even just one person.
I am not the person to tell you my “secrets to becoming a blogger” because I don’t have them. I was just myself and I shared what was on my heart and still do. The biggest piece of advice I can give someone wanting to start a platform like this is to just try. Take the things your passionate about and dive into them. I can’t promise it will be a success but what kind of Brave Mess would you be if you didn’t give it a shot?! There are so many more things coming for A Brave Mess and I can’t wait to launch them and share but honestly I am feeling lots of pressure to make them perfect and no way I am letting y’all down! I am proof that even when a mess – if you channel your energy and goals and put your focus on them you can do anything you set out to do. I am going to be answering all your questions about blogging in the comments below so that I can hopefully help you start to change the world! So, if you have questions – leave them below. I know this was long and thank you to those of you that took the time to read this. It is incredibly important for me to share my message while I can. So, until then – remember, “You’re not a mess. You’re brave for trying”.